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| Hi:
I need help. Background: I have been practicing Bikram for the past year, in a small town where there is 1 studio and 1 instructor. She offers 2 classes a week, sometimes 3--I go twice a week, very regularly.
About 6 months ago, she started telling me my poses were "crooked". I never truly understood what she meant by that--sometimes she seemed to be referring to my hips or my back, but I didn't feel clear on where this "crookedness" existed. Mind you, this was after months of praise for my progress.
She suggested I see a Rolfer who she had used and who happened to be taking appointments out of her studio once a month (he is from another town about 60 miles away). I did, and he did some amazing things to my back and pelvis--my lower back had become quite swayed and it is much flatter now. I was impressed with his work. He and she both were very amazed and upset when it came out in conversation that I had been strength training with weights during the same time period I had been practicing Bikram. The Rolfer feels almost all forms of exercise are dangerous. The Yoga instructor feels all forms of exercise except Bikram Yoga are dangerous and somehow "lesser". I am extremely physically active and enjoy all forms of exercise. I hated to, but I temporarily gave up strength training.
I continued to run, bike, practice other varieties of yoga, practice Pilates and so on. I saw the Rolfer one additional time, but I really don't like him on a personal level, so I have determined to no longer see him. My Yoga instructor has been very complimentary about my practice. Until last night--she asked if I would be making a Rolfing appointment. I told her no, without any explanation (the middle of class did not seem the time to say, "I don't like your friend,") and she immediately started to tell me I looked "crooked".
I almost quit Bikram class the last time we went through this--I found being criticized throughout class to be extremely stressful. I don't want to go through this again. My sway back has not returned--my posture has maintained from the previous Rolfing--so I feel as if she is saying these things to try to convince me to see the Rolfer, not out of any real misalignment issues.
What do I do? How do I keep going to class when her criticism is so taxing? How could my performance have changed so dramatically--on Tuesday night she is telling me she will have to start an advanced class to keep me challenged and holding me up as an example to the class of the possibilites of this yoga when rigorously practiced with dedication--on Thursday I am "crooked". How could I have deteriorated that much in 48 hours?
Any and all advice or feedback would be so greatly appreciated.
Namaste,
hilaryjade |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
  
Location: A Blue State |
My advice is to stop seeing that Bikram instructor. She has problems
on several levels:
1. It is wrong to say that the only exercise you need is Bikram yoga.
Bikram is not a complete exercise regimen...it has minimal upper
body work, and the cardio component is mainly heat induced.
2. She appears to be trying to manipulate your insecurities
about your posture.
3. She appears to have some other reason for trying to get you
to see this Rolfer.
You should not allow yourself to be manipulated. It is entirely possible
to practice yoga without going to classes, and that I what I'd advise.
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| Thank you--I was really hoping for a different answer. I had never found a class situation I enjoyed before, and have developed a real love for the class dynamic with the group of people I attend with. The idea of giving up the class makes me sad as well, but I realize if the instructor moves back into the same mode of criticism as before I will need to. I was worried I was being over sensitive to the whole thing--that maybe all classes/instructors were like this and I just am not tough enough or dedicated enough. I appreciate your quick and validating reply.
Namaste,
hilaryjade |
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| Hilary, you expressed yourself very well in the original posting--the frustration was obvious. Bikram instructors get a lot of bad press as not being that knowledgeable--you encountered one. I also know exactly what you mean about missing the cameraderie of the studio and not looking to stop the practice. I agree with Bay Guy's recommendations but appreciate you may not want, or be ready, to practice at home. I ran into similar situation during my last 18 months of Bikram practice. Through the guidance of folks here, particularly "Guru" Yogadancer, I found the confidence to take charge of MY practice in the Bikram class. I talked with them about where I was physically and mentally. I was polite yet firm. I listened to their explanation of things and questioned when I needed to. I read Bikram's book and talked with fellow students. I came to the realization that these teachers were basically good-hearted, well-intention folks BUT, they certainly didn't know my ole body. I followed there class instructions as I was able on each occasion. When I was NOT able, I took none of their crap frankly. Some insisted on phyysically correcting me. If they asked, and I wanted it, fine. Univited, keep your hands off me and I told them--politely. After that point, 6-9 months Bikramizing, my practice got much more pleasant--my teachers and I learned our boundaries.
So bottomline kiddo--know your teacher, her background and experience and take charge of yourself. |
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| Hilary,
I have never tried this particular style of yoga, but a basic rule of yoga is that it is NOT a competition. No matter how much you trust and respect that teacher, you should quit going to the classes for good. Seriously! I would strongly encourage you to continue weight training and other things that make you happy. Obviously, your yoga teacher and Rolfer have some kind of a business arrangement and you are being manipulated into paying more money.
Making you quit other sports is a way to control you and this is *ALWAYS* wrong. To me, this is an indication of a small cult. I have had some bad experiences in the past with so-called enlightened yoga gurus, but luckily I got out before it was too late.
Take good care of yourself and find a caring, gentle teacher that will never put you down. Remember, yoga is not about trying to look good or have a good posture, it is about feeling your best. You don't need that negative energy from anyone, especially your teacher. |
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| Thank you all so much for the support and well thought out advice. I truly appreciate it. I think that I will take Bruce's advice as a first step, and start expressing my issues to my instructor. I do tend to internalize rather than risk conflict and I would be unhappy with myself if I stopped class without trying to fix the situation first. However, mkotyo and Bay Guy--I will remain mindful of your warnings and if discussion does not create change, I will be prepared to give up class. Thank you so much.
Namaste,
hilaryjade |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 418
Location: New York | Wow, hillaryjade, there are so many things about your situation that I find disturbing. As Bay Guy said, this teacher appears to have some underlying agenda regarding wanting you to see the Rolfer. What's up with that?
It sounds as though her criticism is NOT constructive . . . to just reiterate to someone that she is "crooked" without further explanation doesn't seem helpful, especially since she was unable to be specific. Does this woman have any training other than Bikram teacher training?
But the part that irritates me the most is the instructor claiming that Bikram is the best and safest way (perhaps only safe way?) to exercise. I have never been less fit than when I did lots of Bikram yoga and nothing but Bikram yoga during teacher training (except maybe when I was in high school, doing NO exercise and hanging out in the smoking area). I do lots of other exercise as well (biking, pilates, other yoga, weight training) and I am convinced it's cross training that keeps me most fit. Actually, consistent work with weights has made the most difference in the appearance of my body. I am a Bikram instructor and I would never, ever discourage my students from cross training. I think that to do so shows real ignorance.
Anyway, I hear what you're saying about liking the Bikram method, liking your fellow students and being in a small town where there's really no Bikram alternative. I think Bruce gave you great advice and admire you for deciding to talk things over and clear the air with your instructor before just leaving the practice. I have to admit that I would probably take the Bay Guy approach though.
You should go to training and open your own Bikram studio!
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| Thank you for your input, JackieCat. I think the underlying issue with the Rolfer is they may have some type of financial agreement, as he is using her space when he comes to town and I think most of the people he sees are the Yoga instructor's students. As far as the instructor herself, she is some type of licensed mental health professional--a counselor of some type or another--I never paid much attention as I wasn't seeing her for that type of service.
It is true--I never found the criticism on my "crookedness" to be at all helpful, mostly because I was never given any instruction on where I was crooked or what could be adjusted to change it. I do quite well with specific instruction of the "move your left shoulder forward, right shoulder back" variety, and enjoy that feeling I get when I have a pose right, and all my bones and joints and muscles seem to slip into the right place.
Since I have had a real difficulty starting a dialogue with her on this issue I think I will email her this weekend, and let her know I was distressed that this issue was coming up again, that I don't find general comments on my body being crooked helpful, and that I would greatly appreciate it if she would restrict herself to providing me with more specific adjustments. Then I will see what happens Tuesday. . .
I so enjoy Bikram yoga--I like the heat, the repetition, the way the practice is always the same, it is only what I bring that changes--but I do not want to go through this again, and now that I feel a bit more secure that I am not simply overreacting (thank you, everyone!) I am feeling ready to address the issue.
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| Wow,
She is a licensed mental health pro and she is actively messing with your head? That just sounds... illegal. Bummer, I wouldn't go back and I would report her to the local licensing board where she got it for ethics violations. |
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| Hilaryjade, I think there seems to be an assumption that just because someone is a yoga instructor/rolfer/or in some sort of 'healing' profession we autonomically assume that they are good people. If my financial planner/real estate agent/hairdressor behaves in the same way I would be seriously thinking of cutting contact, because to me they are engaging in business practices that verge on being immoral, an as someone had already said, almost cultish. I realise it is hard for you in a small town with very little choice of yoga instructor, but in the meantime why not try to read a bit more about yoga ? It is a lot more than Bikram. It is about respecting yourelf and your body. A real yogi will not use other people and put down other peole for their own materialistic/financial gains. And this thing about 'all forms of exercise are dangerous except Bikram and rolfing' is pure lunacy.  |
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| HilaryJade,
Run for the hills! Wow! It sounds like an epidemic. I've had similar (but not as bad as what you've been through) experiences with Bikram teachers.
Luckily I live in a big community so I could do other types of yoga for a while. Judging from your posts I think you'd enjoy Ashtanga Yoga. It's pretty challenging. The funny thing is in the interim since I've steered clear of the negativity of the only Bikram studio in my city a really great Bikram teacher recently opened up her own studio. I hope the same happens for you!
I know in smaller towns there's not as much variety but for your mental, physical and spiritual well-being I'd stay away from that Bikram Nazi.
Good luck and welcome to the website! Fifi  |
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| I had practiced at home for about 5 years prior to starting this Bikram class. I mainly used video/DVD, my favorite was a vinyasa tape by Tracey Rich and Ganga White. I have also gotten great benefit from the book "Yoga Mind, Body & Spirit: A Return to Wholeness" by Donna Farhi. I had tried a gentle yoga class offered by another instructor in town but found the class not to my liking, which is why I focused on home practice for so long. I think I let my delight in finding a class setting I liked outweigh my common sense, which is why I have continued to struggle in a class where I am finding the teaching style to be a somewhat conflicted and perplexing. Thank you all so much for your input. I truly appreciate it. |
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| Hilary,
What I found very rewarding by communicating with my Bikram teachers is that several had no experience or training or notion of anything concerning yoga other than the Bikram experience. Through exchange, we all evolved and that made us all the better yogis. My favorite teacher just moved away and while she took a piece of my heart, we both learned so much from each other. On the other hand, one teacher refused to communicate and now hates me but c'est la vie. Yogadancer told me that there's always drama where people are involved--she is very wise. Anyway, just want to advise you to be prepared for a good or bad outcome. If your teacher refuses to learn, give me her email--I'll square her away  Seriously though, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, people are strange so just be prepared to deal with the outcome. |
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| In this class, we have all been quite docile--everyone simply has accepted this instructor's authority--so I can see where it all might get extremely strange. That is why I think I'll email her this weekend, then on Tuesday night class I can evaluate her reaction and how I feel about that reaction. I feel better now that I have some type of a game plan in place. Again, to all who have replied, thank you for your kind advice! |
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| Atta girl! You're my kind of yogini! I bet you're a Republican. Don't say if you are or certain un-named folks (Afroyogi, Bay Guy) will harrass you...all in a loving way of course. |
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| Hi Hilary, I am a Bikram instructor and a Rolfer. I have not found anyone who is not "crooked". I have come across many rolfers ( I lived in Boulder CO for awhile where there is headquaters for two of the major schools in the world) and found many fall into the pattern you express. That all activities are bad till you are done rolfing and are balanced. Their thinking is that if you do activities while "imbalanced" that you will keep bringing back the old patterns. Weird how the rolfer thought Bikram yoga was OK. Many rolfers think Bikram yoga is the most dangerous. And I understand with all the poorly trained Bikram teachers and the taught miss alignments.
The mis use of authority is rampant in every arena of humanity.
Being a person and a spirit with a physical body can be very confusing. The biggest mis identification people make is to attach their image of themselves with their body , emotions, sensations, feelings, thoughts from others as something about their true self. We have all these to learn to be creators in manifestation. We learn who we are by learning what we are not. Any consciously done activity just quickens the growth of I am awareness.
We get into imbalanced relationships to learn about balance. We have imbalanced bodies to learn about self accceptance and to find what is already whole and balanced. Manefestation is a learning center for the soul. Cross training is the game and not putting priority to any one expression of the universe. They are all equal manifestations of spirit. You know what is most needed for yourself, can it be any other way? Your situation should be shared so all can learn from it. Keep us updated.
Australian Aboriginal Elder Lilla Watson:
"If you've come here to help me, you're wasting your time. But if you've come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
Location: A Blue State | Wellllll....being a Democrat or the other kind has nothing to do with issue, Yogi Bruce.
My main worry here, Bruce, is that you and I are accustomed to looking at people
like this yoga teacher skeptically, and that we are both at an age where we can identify
a mindf*ck without self-doubt. The fact that this teacher has a background in psychology
and, evidently, a financial relationship with the Rolfer really makes my gut hurt. The fact
that Hilary has no alternative yoga place also adds to my uneasiness.
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| You are all wonderful. Thank you so very much for helping me get my courage up to become more active in expressing my own needs in practice or remove myself from the situation, whichever becomes called for. Here is the email I am about to send my instructor (Rolfer's name removed. . . ):
__________________________________________________________________
It is sometimes hard to get a minute to talk with you before or after class, so I thought I would email. I wanted you to know that I will not be making any more Rolfing appointments. As I have mentioned before, I do have quite a few touch issues, and I have not been able to get comfortable with xxxx. This is not due to any action on his part, but is entirely my own internal reaction. However, this is an area in which I have chosen to always go with my base instinct, and, as such, I won't be seeing xxxx again.
On another note, I was very discouraged on Thursday when you commented that I was getting "crooked" again. The last time we went through this, I nearly abandoned class out of frustration. I find it extremely challenging to correct my posture when I don't have specific instruction on what I need to do. For me, "crooked" is vague and unworkable, and when we add my discomfort at having excess attention drawn to me during class. . .well, frankly, I was miserable. When you notice things that make you feel I am not properly aligned in a pose, could you please use specific language to help me correct those misalignments? I would find that much more helpful.
Part of the issue on Thursday may have been from my legs being tight--I have been spending a bit more time on the treadmill as of late, having re-discovered the joy of running. I have been stretching regularly, but I have noticed some increased hamstring tightness, that, if history remains accurate, should loosen up in another month or so.
Again, thanks for offering such a great class. As do so many others who attend, I find it to be the highlight of my week, and I take great delight in the challenges and changes.
________________________________________________________________
So, we shall see. By Tuesday night I will know how she has taken this and whether this will improve the situation for me. If it doesn't, I will give up class. Again, to all of you, thank you. And Bruce, my political affiliation would make you weep--best if we don't discuss it. . . .
Namaste,
hilaryjade |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
 
| Hilary, that is a good email. It expresses your concerns without being confrontational. I must add that I also have great difficulties with this situation. At minimum, it is inappropriate. I am glad you are taking steps to straighten it out.
I am glad though that you have had good results from the Rolfing. I have recently had Hellerwork (an offshoot of Rolfing) and it has made big changes in my body, especially the lower back. My DH was Rolfed and he has had permanent positive changes to his back as well.
As an Iyengar teacher, if I were to tell a student she was "crooked" and not offer precise, clear, positive instructions to change, I would be drummed out of the profession, for sure! I hope you are able to find someone with the background and training to help you out so you can continue your practice safely. |
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| And I'm having Bikram withdrawal. One week and I miss the folks I practiced with so I really do understand where Hilary's coming from. I have an outstanding Ahstanga teacher and fine studio now but the folks I started out with aren't there--no cameraderie. I'm sure it'll develop at the new place eventually so I look forward to that. |
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| Well, I already heard back from my instructor. She was surprised to hear that I had been so unhappy when we went through this before--she had no idea that her comments were making me uncomfortable. She said that she understands completely my not wanting to see the Rolfer and had only encouraged it because she felt it would allow me to deepen my practice. She even said she had some other suggestions that we could discuss. I remain wary, but am comforted. I'll let you know how class goes next week.
Again, thanks to everyone. I think I would have said nothing and ended up just giving up class entirely without some discussion, ideas and support.
Namaste,
hilaryjade |
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| Tuesday night class went really well. My instructor offered corrections that were specific and useable for me, so I didn't have that high level of frustration I have been experiencing. We didn't really get a chance to talk about the other issues--what her ideas are to help with the structural issue she sees, the fact that I plan on starting strength training again, and so forth--but the dynamic between us was comfortable and I am sure we are going to be able to develop a better working relationship from all this.
Again, thank you all for your input and help.
Namaste
hilaryjade |
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| Glad to read that things went so well with your teacher, and hope it continues to get better! |
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| Cool--a fine example of communication making a difference. |
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| Ok, I just *know* I'm going to be sorry I asked, however, what is rolfing?
Fee |
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Frustrated to tears. . .
