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 When your partner isn't...Moderators: Moderators Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 1 [25 messages per page] | View previous thread :: View next thread |
| Yoga -> General Yoga | Message format |
Kabu |
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| as "enthused" about Yoga. Often in our Family Yoga classes, I see entire families participating. There are also many Dads in class with their little ones. In addition, our studio offers couple workshops in a gentle, Restorative style. I just love seeing entire families and/or parents switching off to spend this quality time with their kids. Unfortunately, it also makes me a little sad...my husband won't have anything to do with Yoga. He supports me and the girls, which is wonderful, but he won't step foot in a studio. I'm careful not to push or nag (I know that will have the opposite effect), but once in a while, I mention a special couples class or I comment on the families we see in class. No dice.  He's a serious workaholic who sometimes literally "pencils" us in, so I know a good hour of Restorative Yoga or a family class would do wonders for him (and us, come to think of it). I assure him the gentle classes aren't about sticking your foot behind your head, but he just says "It's not my thing." He knows I'm not asking him to "practice" seriously ~ how could you ask *anyone* to do that?! I just think a little time with the three of us in such a positive, fullfilling environment would benefit everyone all around. I guess I'm not really asking a question here ~ I'm just venting a little. This last Saturday there were 3 entire families in class, and 2 other Dads alone with their kids. It was wonderful to see them together, alternately laughing and relaxing, supporting each other. In one moment, I was uplifted and charmed, followed by a moment of sadness because we can't manage the same thing. Hell, he won't even do it here at home with us. He actually created an at-home office so he could continue to work despite being outside the hospital.  *sigh* Anyone else? And has anyone else eventually convinced a partner to join them in a workshop or something? Was it worth it, or did the whole idea fall flat on its face? Thanks for reading.  | |||
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| jeansyoga |
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| samantha77 |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 517  Location: New Jersey | |||
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| afroyogi |
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| LoraB |
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442      | Kabu - I feel for you - I really do! I guess it doesn't bother me too much because my husband and I have rarely had similar interests. We actually have to create situations where we are doing things together and always have - for over 30 years! When the kids are small it is hard, for sure. And I think I hear a bit in the "between the lines" of your post that you resent him not spending more time with his kids. If I could do it all again, that is one thing I would improve on - insisting on more kids time, even in small ways like reading stories and hanging out. But as far as yoga goes, I think it is nice for you to have something that is yours and not a joint effort. It makes you a more interesting person! I think Stefan has a good point. he should try a little bit before he can say he doesn't like it. On the other hand, I know of a teacher whose husband just started taking classes after she has been teaching for 25 years. So I gave mine that deadline - he has about 22 more years and then I INSIST he go to class  He'll be over 70 by then so I should be able to make him do just about anything by then...  The workaholism has to stop, though. Not healthy | ||
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| Kabu |
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| Thanks for the replies. Yes, I suppose it's impossible for me to hide my frustration about his frequent absence. I shouldn't be surprised that another mom would pick that up. Don't get me wrong ~ I don't want him going whole hog and joining me in class all the time.  He's a perfectionist (and a bit paternalistic with me), so he'd probably drive me nuts. And I enjoy being the yoga pioneer, believe it or not. I'm still so very new, yet I find it exhilarating to be the first one within my network of friends and family making this journey. I guess the fact that we take a "family" class highlights a problem our little family has...brings it to the surface a bit more. Seeing other dads with their families makes me wonder why my husband won't spend this one hour on Saturday with us. And I *know* his lifestyle isn't one he can maintain for the next 20 years. I worry he won't reach the age of 45. Stefan, you *did* bring up a good point. I'm certain if he only went once and saw other men there who are just like him, he'd be pleasantly surprised. If not, at least he could say he tried. Hmm...maybe I'll "lend" my van to my mother so he has to drive us to class.  Tourist, your husband had better consider taking a class, otherwise he won't be able to keep up with you at 70!  Edited by Kabu 2005-02-14 8:16 PM | |||
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| MrD |
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| Last year a took a workshop with Anna Forrest. She was taking some questions, and one woman started asking very specific questions about problems with a hernaited disk. She gave a number of answers until she found it was her husband that she was talking about. She immediately said "All rules are off. Family members don't listen very well." We all got a laugh out of it. But oh, how true. For me I have the kids really excited about yoga. But the wife, it's another story. | |||
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| jebaz |
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| kate0278 |
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| afroyogi |
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| kate0278 |
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442 | Kate - send him to an Iyengar class. Strong work for the gym guy but no need to be "bendy" to begin | ||
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| Gruvemom |
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| Oh, Kabu, I know what you mean! I finallyl finally finally convinced my dh to try one of my beginner's video. 5 mins into the tape the instructor said "Exhale through the soles of your feet". That was it - dh was lost forever. One of my teachers does a monthly partner's yoga class - no dice. Another teacher and his wife just went to a fabu yoga weekend and asked my dh and I to join them for a couples weekend - no dice. (dh didn't even have to take any or all the classes ) I can only rarely (like once a month) get dh to come home early enough so I can take a class, and even then I usually have to take dd and switch her out of my car and into his at the studio - and I'm still late for class. I've given up on my dh. good luck with yours! | |||
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| MrD |
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| Kabu |
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I know Mr D, the writing is on the wall. Tom is a classic heart attack waiting to happen. He even has the family history. I love the additional irony of him being a physician and one who should know better.  I was hoping to kill two birds with one stone: get him to have some fun with us *and* into a gentle Yoga class that just might one day save his life. Sadly though, I think most Type As need a good wake up call, something a little more memorable than a spouse whispering caution into their ears. I have to keep trying. Maybe I'll get "sick" one weekend, which means he'll have to fill in for me during the Family class. | |||
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| ava |
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Gruvemom - 2005-02-16 12:14 PM 5 mins into the tape the instructor said "Exhale through the soles of your feet". That was it - dh was lost forever. I'm laughing so hard right now because my DH is the same way. I find it interesting that in my home as well as the home of many of my friends, family-type of activities are usually driven by what the Dad enjoys doing. I know this was how it was when I was growing up but things don't seem to have changed all that much. We go hiking, kayaking and camping as a family but yoga as a family is not looking very good right now. | |||
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| afroyogi |
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Kabu - 2005-02-18 3:45 AM I have to keep trying. Maybe I'll get "sick" one weekend, which means he'll have to fill in for me during the Family class. See, Kabu, that's exactly the reason why males refuse to swing a bit more into your female direction. In general we don't like these little manipulative tricks. It's not honest, it's not what your loved husband deserves. And may his lifestyle ever be so wrong, it's not on you to change it. Newsflash: You can't just change a person's personality! Many generations of women tried to change their partners, which is not nice and therefor never really works out. Luckily, I must add. I never really got it why women always want to change other people. If you ladies are not happy with your partners, why did you choose them in the first place? Why don't you try it with a male approach? Talk to him, tell him what you think about his refusal to practice yoga. Let him know that you're not happy with him neglecting the family. That's open, offensive and fair. Will make a much better impact on your hubby and is more likely to succeed. Last time I checked your country was still something like a democracy where everybody can decide for himself. Let's keep it that way. If men (esp. type A) need a wake-up call before they change their ways - so be it! Don't force it! Edited by afroyogi 2005-02-19 1:44 PM | |||
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| afroyogi |
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| Sorry for ranting! It's just one of my anti-women-days. | |||
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| Balen |
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I here you 100%. Me also.... Also ladies I suffer from this problem also, my mate has antipathy for yoga.  | |||
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| Kabu |
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| Holy cow. I was kidding, which would explain the I've been with this man in a healthy, happy relationship for over 16 years. Though he's a workaholic (and admits himself this isn't healthy), we're otherwise quite cool with each other. Easy there, Tiger. | |||
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| twisti |
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| afroyogi |
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| twisti |
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afroyogi - 2005-02-22 2:26 PM twisti - 2005-02-22 3:07 PM We all get and do Yoga in certain ways... perhaps he gets his Yoga through his work and doesn't even realise it? (just a random thought) I don't think so. Yoga IMHO has to be practiced consciously. Maybe the work is his thing, makes him feel good and therefore is indeed good for him - but it's certainly no yoga. I guess I didn't word it so well... I meant the feeling that Kabu gets from Yoga, and what Yoga gives her; perhaps her partner finds in his work. This is just one level, one aspect of the practice..... random thought like I said. OK shutting up now | |||
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| afroyogi |
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| Didn't mean to upset you, Kristi. I'm just a know-it-all today. | |||
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