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| Ok, here's my quandry.... I have weight/ food/ body image issues - don't we all... Since I started practicing regularly (anywhere from 2-5 times per week - usually 3) in Oct. of '03, I have lost 4 clothing sizes. Great, but not something I really ever discuss beyond "I've lost 4 sizes in a year, doing yoga". I really don't want this issue associated w/ me by my fellow yogi/nis. (IOW, I don't want to be the "go to girl" on using yoga to loose weight, that's not what yoga has ever been for me).
I have been studying w/ my hatha teacher for 2 years, so she has witnessed the "transformation" in addition, we have had the chance to discuss some of our weight/body/ life issues, so she's familiar w/ my situation.
It seems my teacher has become an associate w/ a "Mary Kay" type of natural products company that has cosmetics, dietary supplements, etc. At the last class, she handed me some info on their weight loss program. Perhaps I haven't been as clear as I thought I had been, but offering me weightloss info is like giving crack to Courtney Love. In addition, my "crazy mind" sees it as my teacher saying: "you haven't lost enough weight, you are not thin enough yet, you're just not quite good enough, you still have room for improvement".
I feel betrayed by this person. I don't really even want to go back to her class b/c I've already discussed some of the issues with her (and I thought I'd been pretty candid) and feel that her actions were really unfeeling.
Am I being overly sensitive or am I right to feel this way? I'm all for commerce, but it really bothered me that that was the information she chose to share with me.
Your input would be most appreciated!
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 5098
 
Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | If you are happy with your weight, that is what matters - only what matters. I'm sure, really sure you misread this. I'm sure the teacher is just trying to sell her products to make a living. Maybe because you are sensitive to this issue of your weight and took her gesture the wrong way. Usually, it is our delusions that cause us the most conflict and it is probably in your mind. I would start from yourself and check yourself in that area before I would have a problem with the teacher that you have benefited so greatly from:~) Usually, in cases like this, it is our self confidence that needs attention to and now that you have gotten where you want to be with your body or if you are getting real close to being where you are comfortable, try working on self confidence for yourself. The teacher is not who you have to live with...its yourself:~) |
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| Geez, Melissa. Relax. I think your anger is misplaced.
You can't get peeved at everyone that hands you info on dieting or losing weight. You'd have to blow up your tv everynight. It's one of the biggest industries in this country and you can't blame your yoga teacher for trying to get in on it. Let's assume for a moment that this stuff is the greatest thing since sliced bread, then you should be ecstatic that someone is turning you on to it. It could be a tremendous opportunity for you. It could be the best thing that ever happened, but you'd be willing to forego that because you feel betrayed by her. That's ridiculous.
Chances are it isn't the best thing since sliced bread, but it won't kill you to read a pamphlet. Reading about losing weight doesn't make you fat. If she knows that you have all these issues, why wouldn't she suggest something to you that would help? Honestly, what's the difference if she sent you an email about a yoga workshop. Is she implying that you suck at yoga and need more work and aren't flexible enough? Or is she offering you an opportunity based on what she knows of your interests?
Just learn the mantra, "Thanks, but no thanks." |
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| It sounds like a couple of things are going on here. I don't think it's just you being over-sensitve, but I don't think your teacher was intentionally betraying you. You've been working together for a couple of years and she probably gave you the information in a spirit of helpfulness. Maybe it was her own body issues that were prompting her to "help"? By this I mean perhaps because of the discussions you've had in the past she identified with your struggles wanted to share something she believes in...Of course this is all speculation. Believe me - I understand the "crazy mind" you speak of - a judge called a recent project I worked on "interesting" and I was sure he was making fun of it. Do you feel comfortable enough to bring the matter to your teacher's attention? It sounds like you had a pretty good relationship before this happened....Good luck with whatever you decide. |
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| You asked for onions, here you are:
Melissa, you admitted in the very first line of your posting that you have issues regarding your weight. Plus you told your teacher about it. And now you wonder why she's handing you a pamphlet for a weight-loss program?  Heck, she happens to be associated with that company and wants to make some bucks ... and maybe help you. It's probably, exactly as you wrote, just your "crazy mind". No big deal! You're probably reading too much into it. When she comes up to you for your order of fantastic products, just say "sorry, no deal" as suggested by BYG.
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| I don't know that I'd feel *betrayed*, but I think your yoga teacher did step over the line a bit. For me, yoga class is a sacred space where we come to become comfortable with ourselves - that's what it has meant to me, and what I want to create for my students. It's certainly not a forum for advertising a side business, whatever that may be. A friend of mine who sells jewelry via a similar pyramid-scheme operation told me I could sell it to my yoga students, and I was just horrified! I am not even sure why, that just seems really unethical to me.
I doubt that your teacher was intentionally exploiting your weaknesses, I'm sure she just intended to help. But at the same time, trying to boost her other business by selling stuff to her students does seem a little shady. At the very maximum, she might have said "By the way, I also now represent this natural product company, so if you have any interest I would be glad to give you my business card."
So, I don't think you should read too much into it, but I do agree that was not a cool thing to do. |
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| I don't think people who have not had eating issues can really understand just how deeply something like that can hurt a person with an eating disorder/problem whatever. I think it was really insensitive of your teacher, and I am shocked that she is trying to sell those things in your class.
Don't take it personally, it wasn't meant that way, and part of recovering from eating problems is recognizing that!
Your yoga teacher did NOT mean that you need to lose weight -- she just wants to sell her stuff so she can make as much money as possible. I think that what she did was really wrong -- a yoga studio of all places! NOT the environment for that -- I'd be really disappointed in my teacher.
Just recognize that she was just trying to make a buck and didn't mean anything personal to you. Yes, it was insensitive and I would be really angry too, especially since you have told her about your weight issues. |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
  
| Yes, it was thoughtless and I don't blame you for feeling betrayed. Actually, maybe beyond thoughtless but not horrifying. I would never do that and I don't know of any of my cohorts who would either but then perhaps she doesn't have a strong community of equals where that sort of thing is discussed. The rah-rah direct sales pitch can make a person pretty nuts and step over boundaries they maybe wouldn't normally. I agree with Jean, I would mention it casually to a student and then drop it in a typical situation, but if I knew the person had issues I wouldn't have said anything. Maybe this is a sign for you to go deeper into that relationship or maybe a sign it is time to move on. |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
Location: A Blue State | I've had people do or say things to me that left me wondering "Is THAT who you
think I am?" Sometimes it tells me that I really don't have the relationship
with the person that I thought I did, but usually, after I think it all through, I realize
that I'm taking it too seriously --- too seriously in the sense that whatever was
done or said is within the usual scatter and fuzz of human communications.
I agree with those who suggested that you might casually, laughingly perhaps, let
your teacher know that it's not the sort of input that you are seeking. Whatever you
do, don't take it personally. Yoga teachers interact with a lot of people during
a class and over the course of a week, so it's asking a lot to expect them to have
a firm grip on the details of you. I always wish that they'd remember whatever
I told them about my practice half-a-year ago, but that's because they're *my teachers*
and *I* try to remember all the things they say. The student-teacher relationship
is inherently asymmetric.
Edited by Bay Guy 2005-03-02 7:41 PM
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| To expand on what BayGuy said . . . when someone says stuff like that to me, it makes me reexamine how I am presenting myself. I am a bit overweight, but generally consider myself attractive. So I was taken aback when a fellow yoga teacher came to me in the most piteous tone and said "You poor thing, I used to be a size SIXTEEN, but through yoga I was able to get through my depression and lose the weight. Don't worry, you can too!"
My first instinct was to say, "Listen missy, I AM a size sixteen and I look HOT" and then punch her right in the mouth! But, once I calmed down, I realized that she must have heard me saying something self-deprecating in order to think that I needed that little pep talk. I gave it a lot of serious thought, and realized I did say (and think!) a lot of things about myself that I would NEVER let anyone else get away with saying to me! So if I got that riled up about someone implying that I was fat, what was it doing to my psyche when I cracked jokes about my own weight?
No, I didn't wind up punching that girl or even lecturing her! I thanked her for opening my eyes to what I'm doing to myself with that kind of talk. And from then on, I decided the best way I can help my students be proud of themselves is to show them how gorgeous confidence can look on a curvy woman. If I don't feel the need to hide my body or fret about a few extra pounds, then they don't either. At least, I hope that's the message they receive! |
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| And I'll join the fun, here. It is my belief (although unfortunately not always my practice) that being honest and straight with people is the best course of action. That means you have to gather your strength, look your body image 'issues' in the eye, and let yourself be heard. Realize that there is a large possibility that you might be over-sensitive about this, try to at least understand that from far away there is some humor in everything, and let yourself be heard. Perhaps you can take a lighter approach with this long standing relationship and give her the benefit of the doubt. Wink at her and tell her, "I know you were probably trying to help me, by giving me that pamphlet, but you should know that's like giving crack to Courtney Love..." See, you already see some humor in it. I am also sure your teacher would appreciate learning from this experience.
As someone who also wobbling at snail's pace away from body image issues, I can also see that this is actually a big step for you. You're definately getting the better of this thing! |
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| I have to agree with almost everyone else that has posted that your teacher was probably just trying to sell her products. (I don't think that as very professional, but you know...) If she's heard you speak of any weight loss before, she probably thought to offer it to you since she believed you're interested in it. I can totally understand how that would upset you, but I'm sure she didn't mean you need to loose weight. :-)
I used to be about 30 lbs overweight, and I believe I have become somewhat hypersensitive to the issue as well. If I think someone is even looking at my legs or stomach, I get all paranoid.
I agree with Jean in that sometimes it is in the way we present ourselves. Anyone who meets me for the first time knows I'm watching my weight. They'll aggravate me with cookies and such which I know they wouldn't have done otherwise. You know what I mean? Anyway, Jean made that point quite well. :-)
offering me weightloss info is like giving crack to Courtney Love
That's an awesome statement! I laughed out load for real!
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| Thanks, you guys! Ok, maybe I shouldn't have been quite so dramatic.... my teacher had been at one of those movitational speeches a couple of days prior to the class and that's when she got involved w/ the company - I'm sure she saw her classes (some of which are in a $$ area) as a good source of additional income.
I just don't like my yoga classes to be infiltrated by a lot of "drecht" IYKWIM. I go for yoga and that's it - I agree w/ Tourist (and others) who said she should have mentionned her new business venture casually and perhaps brought a couple of catalogs along for out perusal...
and good points, Jean - even though I try not to present my weight issues to people, I guess they are reading them loud and clear. |
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| Your yoga teacher was completely in the wrong. First of all, she was trying to sell her shady Mary Kay-esque product to you via her status as a yoga teacher. Wrong. Isn't yoga about size acceptance and loving your body on and off the mat? It is offensive to go shilling for your products like this. It wasn't out of concern, it was to make $. Body image increases so much with yoga. It's awful that your teacher would even bring this up. This pisses me off so much. The yoga studio is not a place to make $ off our insecurities with our bodies. The media lives off selling us this ****. The yoga studio should be a refuge. |
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| Yeah, you don't want Yoga class to be like shaking those Girl Scouts and their infernal cookies at Wal-Mart...
We shall hope nothing like that happens to you again!
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 517
Location: New Jersey | I agree with what most people have to say here. It doesn't seem like your teacher would intentionally hurt you by implying that you need to buy these products because she's trying to say that you're not thin enough. Could it just be that she knows that you have worked so hard to lose weight, and these products could maybe help you maintain what you've achieved? I do think that it's not right that she would use a Yoga class as a forum to sell products. I don't blame you for feeling hurt/betrayed. It's hard to know what someone's motives are sometimes, and it's doubly hard to know whether you're misreading someone's motives especially when you have some issues with a certain situation. I would talk to her before you stop going to her class. It might help clear everything up!
Samantha |
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| Oh, I'm probably not going to stop going to her class, though I must admit that I've really outgrown it a bit....
I think I might need to point out that I haven'r really worked to lose the weight - it just came off w/ being more active (w/ my practice), by eating less and occasionally making some better choices. This was one of my problems w/ the teacher's action - she knows that I've lost weight simply through better choices, not any kind of plan....
anyway...that being said, I resent the use of the teacher platform as a way to peddle stuff |
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| I think there is an written rule among women that says "Even if I talk negatively about my weight, hair, clothes or whatever, you just need to say. You look great! ." It's the code. Guys often don't know or forget this rule (along with many others ) and thus get sent to the doghouse for making comments. Every woman I know would have the same reaction you did. |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
Location: A Blue State | Believe me, guys remember this rule.
Her: "I look fat."
Him:"...huh?..."
Her:"My butt, it's too big."
Him:"No it's not, I like your butt."
Her:"I'm fat!!  "
Him:"You're cute. You have a great a$$."
Her:"I hate it when you use that word!" 
Him:"...huh?...could you hand me the chips..."
etc. etc.
Thus does man survive.
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| I think there is an written rule among women that says "Even if I talk negatively about my weight, hair, clothes or whatever, you just need to say. You look great! ." It's the code.
The only people I would expect to say differently (and tell the truth) would be very close friends and very close relatives.
Try not to take anything an acquaintance says too seriously.  If you're happy with your body, then that's all that matters!
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| Bay Guy - 2005-03-03 9:39 PM
Believe me, guys remember this rule.
Her: "I look fat."
Him:"...huh?..."
Her:"My butt, it's too big."
Him:"No it's not, I like your butt."
Her:"I'm fat!! "
Him:"You're cute. You have a great a$$."
Her:"I hate it when you use that word!"
Him:"...huh?...could you hand me the chips..."
etc. etc.
Thus does man survive.
That's great Bay Guy! I think I've overheard that very conversation...
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Take all the negative comments positively. They are good., Coz they remind you to be in shape!  |
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| Gruvemom - 2005-03-03 5:15 PM
I think I might need to point out that I haven'r really worked to lose the weight - it just came off w/ being more active (w/ my practice), by eating less and occasionally making some better choices. This was one of my problems w/ the teacher's action - she knows that I've lost weight simply through better choices, not any kind of plan....
That counts as work! You made conscious choices. You chose to eat better and get more physical activity. When you do these things excess weight is supposed to come off naturally. It may not seem like "work" but you committed and followed through and you earned the right to be proud of your results.
Yes, a yoga class is not an appropriate platform to peddle your on the side "weight loss products" business.
Audrey |
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
| We are actually so low key with our selling that people ask us all the time "where can I buy a strap/bloster/whatever" and we have them for sale right in the studio! They are there with signs but we don't push. I often suggest people buy a cheap mat at a discount place rather than splurge on our $40 ones. |
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| Excellent Bay Guy! Great to see some men have learned. |
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Opinions please
