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Respect or Understanding?
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Thushara
Posted 2005-03-13 10:14 PM (#18994 - in reply to #18985)
Subject: RE: sorry off the topic
Wow I watched “Shall we dance” and I find it AWSOME !! JLO looks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty in that.. I think she has a body which every girl dream of any way she is my favorite (Not to mention her screwed up movies with Ben) LOL
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MrD
Posted 2005-03-14 12:22 PM (#19040 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Here's an interesting article from Netscape.

While it discusses marriage, it clearly applies to those in long term relationships as well.

You love that person with all your heart, mind, and soul. But do you have what it takes to live happily ever after? Thanks to a 22-question quiz from Dr. John Gottman of Washington University in St. Louis, Mo., you can find out. This survey is simple, but quite perceptive. It tests couples on how much they know--and don't know--about one another. Those who know the most about their partner's likes, dislikes, interests, and hobbies are most likely to enjoy married life and make it last a lifetime, report The New York Post and London's Daily Mail.

1. I can name my partner's best friends.
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
3. I know the names of some people who have been irritating my partner lately.
4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams.
5. I know my partner's basic philosophy of life.
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
8. When we're apart, I think fondly of my partner.
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
10. My partner really respects me.
11. There is passion in our relationship.
12. Romance is still part of our relationship.
13. My partner appreciates the things I do.
14. My partner likes my personality.
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
18. We just love talking to each other.
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
20. My partner listens respectfully even when we disagree.
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.

What your answers mean:
15 or more positive answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship.
8 to 14 positive answers: This is a pivotal time in your relationship as there are strengths you can build upon, but do focus on the weaknesses that need your attention.
7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble and could be headed for the rocks. If you're concerned about this, it means you probably still value the relationship enough to get help.

Finding the perfect partner is only part of the equation for
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easternsun
Posted 2005-03-15 3:08 AM (#19121 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


oooh...i love this one mrD! i feel like i just took a quiz in the back of cosmo or some magazine my mom reads
according to this : we are doing great
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twisti
Posted 2005-03-15 8:31 AM (#19129 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Thanks for bringing us back to topic

I wish I could say me and my partnet didn't pass, would make things easier.... but we aced it!

Now I am confused again lol
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KPopejoy
Posted 2005-03-15 9:22 AM (#19138 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Sorry for derailing the discussion. For what it's worth I thought it was a valid thought, regardless of it's origin . Good luck with your decision. Just keep in mind that a personal relationship can't really be distilled into 22 questions. Only you know what is in your heart. In any case, judging from your original question I'm not so sure you actually aced it anyway. k
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twisti
Posted 2005-03-15 12:04 PM (#19149 - in reply to #19138)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


KPopejoy - 2005-03-15 9:22 AM

Sorry for derailing the discussion. For what it's worth I thought it was a valid thought, regardless of it's origin . Good luck with your decision. Just keep in mind that a personal relationship can't really be distilled into 22 questions. Only you know what is in your heart. In any case, judging from your original question I'm not so sure you actually aced it anyway. k


No need to apologise Kpopejoy... I am actually interested in seeing the movie now

I know a relationship can't be figured out in a 22 question quiz, it just put a different perspecive on things..... We didn't ace it but we came out alot better then perhaps I was giving us credit for.

I have come to the conclusion that essentially we both want the same things in life, but just have very different ideas of how to achieve these things (oh and different countries to do it in !!)

Thanks for ALL the responses everybody, I have really gotten alot of 'food for thought' (or is that Yoga for thought??...) xo
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Posted 2005-03-15 4:11 PM (#19154 - in reply to #19149)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


C'mon Twisti Kristi--give us a synopsis of saliant thought from what you gleaned of this body of work.
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Bay Guy
Posted 2005-03-15 7:30 PM (#19169 - in reply to #19154)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?



Expert Yogi

Posts: 2479
2000100100100100252525
Location: A Blue State
Yep, somebody's got to write the summary of all this.
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twisti
Posted 2005-03-16 1:06 AM (#19192 - in reply to #19154)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Bruce - 2005-03-15 4:11 PM

C'mon Twisti Kristi--give us a synopsis of saliant thought from what you gleaned of this body of work.


Ok you asked for it!

Well I guess the first thing is realizing when it isn’t going to work and being secure enough to let go. To trust that there is someone out there for you, to trust that you can find all you want, need and desire in a partner (and sometimes more!)
Some people hold on and hold on for dear life hoping that one day the other person will eventually change. If you are waiting for that day then you do not truly love the person as they are, right now. One great comment I came across is that it is important NOT to fall in love with someone’s potential. You should not base your feelings around how someone may be someday….

I have learnt how important it is to be true to myself; too hold on to what is real for me, to know that I do not have to let these things go to in order to be happy in a relationship. A certain amount of compromise is expected but it should still be in line with, and cherish your inner most values.

Opposites can work, and so can birds of a feather. It just depends if you like to be exposed to new things and are open to what that might bring (opposites.) Or if you prefer to stick with what is familiar to you and stay in your comfort zone (birds of a feather.)

I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone exactly like me, but I do feel there are certain key points that need to be understood for me personally. I need to feel that the person is on my wavelength in terms of a healthy diet/lifestyle, environmental awareness etc. Such things that will affect other issues in the future (kids, how/where you live, major purchases…I ain’t getting no d*&m leather couch!) Everywhere else, I can settle for respect. However if there are things that you don’t see eye to eye on come to an agreement upfront and early on, figure out how you will solve this issues when they arise prior to them arising.

You have to be open to change both in yourself as well as in your partner and be willing to explore what that may bring.

Be willing to work at it, learn the steps to the relationship dance and practice them everyday. Don’t over analyze or over expect, just flow with the music.

Balance is key. Your strengths may compliment the other persons weaknesses and vice versa creating a balance and bringing a synergy (the whole is greater then the sum of its parts.)

A relationship is a great place to practice the other aspects of Yoga!

You don’t need to speak the same language (verbal, emotional or mental) to fall in love.

At the end of the day you just can’t help who you fall in love with. If the passion is strong enough, and the bond is tight, Love will rule in the end.


Oh and apparently “Shall We Dance” is a good movie!
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FamousLadyJane
Posted 2005-03-16 1:47 AM (#19195 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Love it, Love the synopsis! That's awesome. I hope you can sort through your times and challenges.

You arn't alone, we (DH and I) have been going through similar.... circumstances. He is a Forest Industry (!!) red-meat eating kinda guy, and although I do have the occassional burger, Im more into the "trees really do have spirits" kinda thing.
The last few months have been hard for us since we've had our baby girl, and we both gravitated to our more in-depth beliefs, and we are total polar oppisites. But, in regards to your original post, I now believe that yes, anything is possible- as long as each is willing to accept and respect the other (with or without understanding). No agreement is necessary, and if one ever expects that, then they are in for a let down. I've never had trouble respecting DH, but he has had a hard time grasping what I am, which until resently I completely resented (it was in every arguement, even if it wasn't addressed). Last week actually, was a major breakthrough. One that I almost thought would never happen and I could never wait for. But, we are finally there. A huge (HUGE) weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Anyways, this is the extreme condenced version which has probably already gone on long enough.

Above all, I am so glad you have clarity. It's brilliant.


On an aside, I find it interesting that eastern sun has put crack-heads and religious fanatics in the same catagory? Hmmmm (lol)
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Star
Posted 2005-03-16 6:42 AM (#19200 - in reply to #19192)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?
When you have differences, relationship will be more interesting.!
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Posted 2005-03-16 7:43 AM (#19203 - in reply to #19192)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Wow Twisti--good analysis of responses and self. Sounds like you're firmly on track for a fine life...except for dismissing a fine corinthian leather couch (I like the kind with the hammered nail heads).
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twisti
Posted 2005-03-16 8:48 AM (#19211 - in reply to #19203)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


Thanks Bruce and FamousLadyJane. I am glad my ramblings made some sense


Bruce - 2005-03-16 7:43 AM except for dismissing a fine corinthian leather couch (I like the kind with the hammered nail heads).


Sorry Bruce, but I don't think this is going to work out
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Posted 2005-03-16 9:31 AM (#19217 - in reply to #19211)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


<>

Don't make me sic Cyndi on you to force you into having an open mind on furniture options.
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Cyndi
Posted 2005-03-16 9:34 AM (#19220 - in reply to #19217)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?



Expert Yogi

Posts: 5098
5000252525
Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC		Bruce, your suppose to be in Mexico by now with that new Harley you swiped last night!

BTW, what color did you get?? Were you able to make out with a new Road King or did you have to settle for a tiny Sportster??

Edited by Cyndi 2005-03-16 9:42 AM
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tourist
Posted 2005-03-16 10:00 AM (#19225 - in reply to #19195)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?



Expert Yogi

Posts: 8442
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Laura jane - having children often polarizes couples and the huge emotional surges that come with parenthood can send each partner screaming back to the values of their childhood families simply to have something solid to hang onto. It can take some time to let that go and work back to a position where you are both working together and making choices based on your joint beliefs as a couple rather than blindly going with what you've each known to be "right" in your past. There was a hugely ridiculous idea in the late 70's that sort of went along with the women's movement. I can clearly remember a good friend saying "this baby isn't going to change how we live." Quelle stupide! Parenthood changes EVERYTHING everyday in every relationship. Once you get that, it is easier to work on the rest
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Posted 2005-03-16 11:02 AM (#19236 - in reply to #19220)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


I'll have you know my "tiny" Sportster contains KB forged 1200cc pistons under high compression with oversize valves fed by a highly modified and dyno-tuned Screm'in Eagle carb all connected to a Suppertrapp exhaust kept under control by a Fisher harmonic balancer and the steady, experienced right wrist--ALL in black of course.

Cyndi - 2005-03-16 8:34 AM

Bruce, your suppose to be in Mexico by now with that new Harley you swiped last night!

BTW, what color did you get?? Were you able to make out with a new Road King or did you have to settle for a tiny Sportster??
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Cyndi
Posted 2005-03-16 11:20 AM (#19238 - in reply to #19236)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?



Expert Yogi

Posts: 5098
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Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC		Wow!! You made out like a Bandit!! Now you have a chance to repent and all your sins will be wiped out...you can purchase my matching Sportster that I just happen to have 4 sale...its Black...but I don't know about all that technical stuff, although it is a modified one, your wife will love it!

Cyndi - who is making plans for a first Sturgis trip this summer...can you believe it!!!
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Posted 2005-03-16 11:56 AM (#19244 - in reply to #19238)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


What sins? Sainthood is fairly easy if there are no witnesses. Unlike your now pubically acknowledged sin of being a Harley owner and not grasping the technicalities to your bosum and making them your own. Why, that's comparable to practicing asana without cognizance of samadi as the end goal! For shame! Your journey to the motorcyling meca of Sturgis however may relive you of the sin though. However, you may have to get a "Ride Free or Die!" tattoo as pennence.
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Cyndi
Posted 2005-03-16 12:22 PM (#19245 - in reply to #19244)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?



Expert Yogi

Posts: 5098
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Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC		Okay, only if it's one of those removable tattoos. I can deal with Acupuncture any day...but don't make me sit there and get a needle tattoo!! OUCH!

I get it now..this is the price I have to pay for buying those yoga shorts at Amazon instead of here at this yoga place..oh well, just make sure they are the cocoa colored ones and not black to match my removable tatoo of course:~)

Edited by Cyndi 2005-03-16 12:30 PM
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twisti
Posted 2005-03-23 9:56 PM (#19905 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


So my man (or ex man) is as good as gone.

He got his long awaited transfer to the States and will be in Philly by mid April. At first it was pretty upsetting but I has given me the space to move on and go for more.

Thanks again everyone for your replies, interest and insight
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FamousLadyJane
Posted 2005-03-23 11:09 PM (#19919 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


I wish you closure in this relationship, as well as learning and clarity for the future.

Thanks for keeping us updated.
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jeriwho
Posted 2005-03-27 8:25 AM (#20170 - in reply to #18411)
Subject: RE: Respect or Understanding?


twisti - 2005-03-07 6:07 PM
Up until now I always thought that respect of my values from my partner would be enough. However now I am beginning to think that I really do need someone who understands where I am coming from and has similar views as I do..


Respect and understanding work in both directions. Your partner needs you to respect and understand that his/her lifestyle is his/her choice and merits respect and understanding from you. Love is very much an engine that works *in spite of* and not because of. Indeed, a love that only works when it is given its way to always suit itself is not love at all but self indulgence.

Jeri
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