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Poses for a Broken Heart? Moderators: Moderators Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 1 [25 messages per page] | View previous thread :: View next thread |
Yoga -> General Yoga | Message format |
tigrsunam |
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Drinking and laying in corpse pose worked tonignt, but I want to try something different tomorrow. | |||
easternsun |
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aww!! i just want to give you a big hug! STEP AWAY FROM THE BOTTLE you obviously dont need to hear it BUT booze is a depressant and you are already down - it is probably not the best way to drown your sorrows. how about going to some extra yoga classes - where you might meet some similarly aligned individuals? surround yourself with happy people! i hope you feel better soon | |||
Bay Guy |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 2479 Location: A Blue State | Skip the bottle! It will only make you feel worse. For yoga, I'd suggest backbends or a vinyasa practice. Do something vigorous to help burn off the emotions. Don't get meditative or you may wind up more depressed. Best of luck!! | ||
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mending my broken heart If you have never had a broken heart or suffered through a difficult break-up, I hope that you buy lottery tickets, because you are one of the lucky ones. For the rest us, you know break-ups are never enjoyable. There is no easy cure, no quick fix and no pill you can take to make it heal faster; we all just have to go through it. No matter who initiates the break-up or what the reasoning is behind it, it comes with some kind of a mourning and transition process. When my ex-fiancé and I separated, one of the greatest difficulties I had to face was dealing with what a significant change it was in my life. I felt like someone died. After spending years sharing my space, bed, thoughts, dreams and family, his absence made me extremely present to the feeling of being alone. Not only being lonely but literally being ALONE. I was having trouble sleeping, I was keeping Kleenex in business, I lost 10 pounds and I was scared about the abrupt change in my life’s direction. I was full of fear as I went from knowing who I was going to spend the rest of my life with to not knowing where I was going to live the next month. Finally, something shifted. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror and thinking, “Okay, enough of this already, it is time to start living your life again.” It sounded empowering but I really did not know how to do it. So, I returned to the one thing in my life that has always brought me strength, peace, and comfort: yoga. When we first broke up, I actually strayed from yoga for a while. It was something that the two of us loved to share, and there were few studios in town that didn’t hold a memory of “us.” As part of my “return-to-living” program, I returned to one of my favorite classes. When I walked in, the familiar smell, people, look and energy of the room was comforting at a time when it felt like everything in my life was changing. After the first sun salutation, I realized how tight my usually limber body had become. Standing poses reacquainted me with my strength. Twists untied the knots in my stomach. Backbends released the heaviness in my heart. Balancing brought me back to my focus. Savasana brought cleansing tears. When I left the class, I felt like a part of my soul that I was neglecting had been touched. I felt awake again! I returned to a yoga class the next morning. It felt so good to get back together with yoga. Yoga became a critical component of my healing. In the sacred space of a yoga community, I started to learn how to be alone again. In my yoga classes, I was surrounded by the love and energy of the people in the room, but I was there for myself. My mat became a training zone for being alone and shifting my attention inward. In my practice, I was able to build up my confidence of being on my own and took that out into my life. I also noticed that one of my biggest obstacles in yoga (which was that my mind would always wander) began to diminish. My break-up taught me many lessons, one of which was how not being present may lead to missing out on people, opportunities or just the magicalness of life. I realized how much in my relationship I was not present – I was either in the past or in the future. My practice got deeper and my breath grew louder as my mind grew quieter. Yoga has been my escape from being a prisoner of my thoughts. My focus quieted the memories of him, of us and of the stress I was feeling about having to start my life over. In my yoga class, no one was there to ask how the wedding planning was going or to tell me how surprised they were about our break-up. In my yoga class, I was safe and protected. In my yoga class, my aches were soothed. The void I felt was filled, but what I learned was that it was not filled by someone or something; it was filled from within – by me. What I gave up in my relationship, I reclaimed in my yoga practice. When the wounds from my break-up were fresher, I would have forked over all the money I had not to have to go through it. I am not going to lie; it was brutal. However, I would never go back because without going through it I would not have reconnected with my practice and consequently with myself. So, if you are nursing a broken-heart, lose the wine, the Haagen-Dazs, and the sad songs. Reclaim yourself on a yoga mat. | |||
tigrsunam |
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Thanks guys! I went boozing last night with my friend, which got me out of my bed. I'll lay off, as I know all it really does it give me a headache. Child's pose got me through last night. I know yoga will get me through it all, along with friends, time, etc. Just sucks though right now. | |||
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We are all here for you, Tigrsunam! I know we have all gone through this terrible time at least once, twice, etc. Hang in there and keep up the yoga. Drinking gives me a headache..had one beer last night, and woke up with one! Yoga is safer and kinder to the body. Wish me luck..I am in the process of moving from a house, into an apt., and waiting to move into our new house. Our apt. will be a vacation. Want to help me move? YUCK! I wouldn't either. Hugs to you. Namaste2 | |||
Empress Echo |
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Sending hugs through cyberspace! You're right - things like that suck and pretty much all you can do is live as well as you can. Yes, time will heal but right now that just sounds like "blah, blah, blah...", right? Know that we're with ya! More hugs! | |||
LoraB |
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Well, I'm sure I"ll catch a bit of flack for saying this, but a good night of boozing CAN help - if it's ONE good night of boozing and not twenty. Hang in there, Tiger, and try to keep yourself busy. But not too busy! That's what I did and now, 8 months later, I'm finally dealing with the stuff leftover from the demise of a 5 year relationship...It's hard, but good friends, lots of activity, and planning lots of things to look forward to help. You'll be ok! Backbends really helped me during the roughest moments in the beginning, though...Really forced the heart back open and kept me from isolating myself. Maybe that can help you too... | |||
Kabu |
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Article - 2005-04-24 9:14 AM In my yoga class, no one was there to ask how the wedding planning was going or to tell me how surprised they were about our break-up. In my yoga class, I was safe and protected. Reclaim yourself on a yoga mat. Not that I'm anticipating a break up of any relationship, but these two quotes reminded me of why it is a good thing Yoga is mine and mine alone. I suppose we all have to have some kind of sanctuary. ((Hugs)) Tiger Edited by Kabu 2005-04-24 12:00 PM | |||
Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | LoraB - 2005-04-24 11:32 AM Well, I'm sure I"ll catch a bit of flack for saying this, but a good night of boozing CAN help - if it's ONE good night of boozing and not twenty. Backbends really helped me during the roughest moments in the beginning, though...Really forced the heart back open and kept me from isolating myself. Maybe that can help you too... Well, I agree with Lora B, if your a drinking kinda gal, going on a one night binge, drinking *tequila* is great for broken heart...it seems to kick that *love* emotion around a bit Seriously, I haven't drank any alcohol substances in years..but I remember doing that with Tequila shooters once when I broke up with this real jerk. That relationship had my mind so screwed up into thinking that my life would be over without him and he was moving on to better things without me, yadda yadda. The mind just goes into full force illusions when this happens. Anyway, now I look back and say to myself that I NEEDED that relationship to help break the illusions that we have about being dependant on someone, when in fact we really just need to depend on ourselves and not have any attachments to people, places and things. This is why I love Yoga so much now. Even though I'm not dealing with relationships per se in the way of breaking up, I'm still dealing with ex relationships and people that are always going to disappoint you - its human nature. We have to learn this in order to be liberated...another words we have to drink the poison. Okay Neelbhai, I think its time for the Shiva eating poison story for Tigrsunam. Those backbends are great for opening and clearing the Heart Chakra - I especially love the Camel. Good luck with mending your broken heart, time and experience are great healers too Don't listen to any love songs for several weeks..they'll get you every time...I call them love brainwashing songs | ||
tigrsunam |
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Music is also good for the soul! I have never been a big fan of the sappy love songs. Johnny Cash, Beck, and Modest Mouse are getting me through today. They aren't love or love-lost songs...just good songs that are keeping me sane. This is a 4 year relationship that is untangling. Its hard as i have made major life changes to be with the person. We just approach problems in such different ways and so everything has snowballed into this mess, and I don't know how to fix it. Nor does he and he's given up. I appreciate all the kind thoughts and antedotes!!!! | |||
LoraB |
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Sounds fairly similar to my situation....As I've explained to people when they ask why we broke up: we were perfect for each other except that we weren't. We weren't angry with each other, or hateful, or anything like that - it just didn't work and one of us finally had to make the break so I did...I know that he thought in a lot of ways that it was easier for me since I was the one who said it - but it doens't really matter who actually says it when you have two poeple who love each other but just don't mesh - it still flat-out sucks. Hopefully you guys have been able to do this fairly cleanly and with some grace - it's never easy but it can definitely be made a LOT harder. Good luck with everything, and if you need to vent or whatever, feel free to PM me - Kristi is going through some of this right now too, so we can go start our own break-up board or something. | |||
jeansyoga |
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Wouldn't it be awesome to have a yoga class JUST for people who are going through a hard time? Nobody would ask any unfortunate questions before or after class, and people (students and teachers) could cry at any time and nobody would think anything of it. Nothing but hugs and good clean processing. Of course, the dilemma would be how to advertise it without attracting guys looking to "cheer up" some lonely but gorgeous yoginis! | |||
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OMG! a class JUST for people (meaning women) who are going through a hard time? Jean, don't worry--any guy worth a dang wouldn't even approach such a girls' bonding--we'd probably be shot at. | |||
Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Tigrsunam, Music is great for the soul, of course it is. I was thinking about the ones that go something like.... Your wife's been cheating on me and YOU!! Or All my ex's live in Texas...Loretta down in Amarillo has the law looking for me......and that's why I hang my hat in Tennesseee Bruce, better get outa here and get your butt to Tennessee | ||
Thushara |
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My advise for you is 1. The best pose for you is one of the hardest pose for you., Kill yourself to do it and be perfect in your pose., In this way you can get out of those feelings which hurts you as you are focused on another thing. End of it you will achieve a pose, which you dreamt of doing. 2. Don’t listen to R& B type of music., that will only hurt you., don’t spend much time on the bed unless you are really sleepy., otherwise you will be thinking lot of unwanted things. 3. If you are a professional be a workaholic. You will be paid for it ….. 4. Realize the truth and accept it.. Dot be angry with the person who hurt you., Im sure you are wise enough to do that if you are a good yogi. 5. Love yourself and think how important you are. Yoga will help you on this. Think how you can concentrate on improving your image., beauty and personality. And be better.. ****All these things will help you to gain something after your recovery phase., But if you try to do with alcohol, drugs, and other useless things., you will just harm yourself.. and you will regret lot more after some time.. But I know we can give you 1000 advises, you only know how hard it is,,, But Remember the truth., . One man’s loss is another man’s gain!!!!!!!!! | |||
tigrsunam |
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Hi all.. Just wanted to give you an update that me and the guy are going to try and work through things. We talked a few days ago and agreed that we both still love each other and want it to work out. Our communication styles and the way we deal with conflicts are radically different and I understand that. I'm not sure he does, but these are some things we really need to explore. I am still pretty nervous about everything, but am trying to remain optimistic and, more importantly, OPEN and accepting. If I am honest with myself, I haven't been either of those things. We both have just been hurt, which has caused a fatal-cycle. I am so fortunate to have found yoga. Even though I have been practicing for only a short time, I can see it is helping, and will continue to help me. My mat is really becoming my sanctuary. I am able to really look inside myself, which is REALLY hard. Thank you all for the good thoughts! I really feel them! | |||
Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Good luck Tigrsunam, You know what...just remember that in relationships its better to honor that person for WHO they are and NOT impose your way of thinking onto the other person. That is so difficult to do sometimes. Also, remember the right and left foot or right and left wheel. You can't drive a car on 2 right wheels and you can't walk on 2 right legs. So, you need a right foot and a left foot for a successful relationship. If two people think and act the same, it won't balance out the relationship nor the family life, that is if you choose that route. For instance, for the longest time I battled my ex-husband because he was always Mr. Nice Guy and what seemed like to me that he wasn't giving our daughter enough discipline and could never say NO to her and spoiled her, IMO. Well, not too long ago it was pointed out to me that my daughter needed him to be exactly who he was because I have the "Director" role and he is the balance of that and is what my daughter needs. So, if you take that and apply it to a relationship, it really is nice because, each person has a special role they play in a relationship and/or family household. If we do not honor that and try to change that person, we are only setting ourselves up for failure...it won't work and that is why there are so many divorces in America...trust me, I speak from experience with relationships and marriage(s). | ||
jeansyoga |
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Good for you, Tiger - it ain't over til its over! If you truly love each other, it may just be a matter of getting more comfortable with one another's style. Or, you may try again and find out it's still not right. If you don't try, you'll always wonder! My husband and I also have different styles - thank god!! I am a complete lunatic who likes to scream and yell, throw dishes, then run away and hide. He sits and waits while I go nuts, follows me when I run away, and when I want him to leave me alone, he refuses! He just says "No, we need to work this out!" At the time it always makes me mad, but in the end I'm always happy he does this! Funny how I needed to marry someone 7 yrs younger than me to find one so much more mature. Lest anyone get the wrong idea, this dish-throwing running-away routine is RARE, though it wasn't unheard of in the early years. I've grown up a lot since then, and of course, learned to use my yoga skillz in my relationship. | |||
Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Hey Jeans, I used to love to throw the dishes and Peanut Butter Sandwiches...right in the face. I did the peanut butter thing to an old boyfriend (15 years or so ago)...I thought he was going to die of fright My son still remembers it to this day. He always says, Oh yea, that guy ____ who you threw the peanut butter sandwich at. I remember another time with the same guy when we were on skiing trip on the lake for my company picnic. He went on a different boat than me. Anyway, one of his water skiis came up and hit him on the face and broke 2 or 3 of his teeth out. I stood there and laughed for several minutes before I took it seriously. I don't know exactly why I did that to this day, needless to say, we were not compatible and he brought out my worst side. I don't throw dishes anymore...mainly because I got tired of spending good money and crying over the lack of respect I had for my material possessions and the lack of respect I was having towards my prosperity of being able to have nice things. I somehow worked through all that and I think my karma with male relationships just worked out that way too...although I have been provoked in this lifetime...many, many times...its like a surprise test, and you better be on your toes or it will roar its ugly head. I tend to take my anger inwardly now which effects only me and believe me, you have no choice but to either shape up and control it...or it will literally make you sick! So, needless to say Anger is one emotion I try to completely avoid as it is IMO the total worst and is so difficult to manage once it appears, due to all the other emotions that seem to go along with it...like envy, jealousy, hatred....etc. | ||
Kabu |
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This might sound dopey, but have you tried writing (or typing) in a journal? I dated a lot of guys, but one really broke my heart. When we ended the relationship, I turned to writing to help me sort out my anger and pain. Because writing forces you to set things straight in your head before putting it on paper, I no longer had various emotions swirling around, throwing me off balance. I didn't always write nice things, I didn't always practice the best grammar, but whatever I was feeling was now "out there" ... on paper. After writing, my head and heart were free, even if only for a short time. He ended up calling me two months later, wanting to get back together. Believe it or not, it was easy for me to say politely, "Thanks but no thanks." I had no anger towards him, I didn't wish him ill (in fact, we're friendly now, and it's easy for me to be this way with him), I was simply no longer interested. I then turned back to my journal to see what I had written 2 months earlier, shocked at how much I had changed. Just in two months!! So try writing, no matter where you are in your relationship. It'll lighten your heart. | |||
tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442 | Kabu - 2005-04-27 3:28 PM Because writing forces you to set things straight in your head before putting it on paper Interesting, Kabu - one of the things I like about journal type writing is that I don't get it straight in my head first. I just write and write and it eventually comes clear. Oh, the mind is a mysterious thing! | ||
Kabu |
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Maybe it's just me then. | |||
jeansyoga |
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Yeah, journaling is GREAT for sorting things out! I had so much confusion and swirling feelings when I was dating my husband - it was nice to get it all out on paper instead of accidentally falling out of my mouth after a few beers! Now that my relationship is drama-free and happy, I tend to write a lot about my career! But, journaling is a super idea, it really helps you get to know yourself at any time in your life. And looking back at them someday can either make you laugh, or be amazed at how wise you really were in the midst of your confusion! | |||
tigrsunam |
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I do have a journal, but sadly have written in it less and less over the years. I have been writing though, just jotting down what I am feeling, as my there are so many things swirling around in my head and I am trying to make sense of them so I can properly communicate them when we get together. Its nice to know that I am not the only crazy one in the group! I start yelling and throughing things (though I've been sticking to just stripping my bed of all the sheets and pillows!) He however shuts down and doesn't respond well to that at all. Which i can understand....its not pretty. Because he doesn't say much though, i start assuming and I have a pretty active imagination. Its hard. We talked tonight for a couple hours and, well, I really don't know. I know I love him, and I know things can be really great. But there is alot of damage and at least right now its hard to let go of the hurt. | |||
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