|
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
   
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | So please do not jump all over me. I may come off arrogant but beleive me that is not my intention. I have to air this and I know I have made comments along the lines here but now I'm ready to spill it.
Pretty much my whole life I have dealt with women not being nice to me because of their own insecurities. I know this will sound arrogant but there really is no other explanations for their outright obnoxious behavior. I've dealt with it for as long as I can remember and it has contributed to my aloof attitude with women today. I know that I am a nice person and my looks or the way I dress and present myself have nothing to do with the person I am deep within.
When I decided to formally enter into yoga training I had very high expectations. I truly believed that jealousy, competitiveness, insecurities were conquered by yoginis, and if not conquered then it was a work in progress (along the lines with the Yamas and Niyamas).
I was very saddened towards the end of my training to witness little groups forming, and attitudes......division!
Life went on but I was sad about it.
As I have established myself I have traveled into many yoga local communities. More yoginis know me than I realized. All these yoginis who are working towards being a better person for themselves and their students create this facade. Maybe their students don't see it but their behavior is downright rude and disturbs me.
Without mentioning names or establishments, I will say that practically 50% of the women teachers I meet are not nice. All the male teachers I have met are awesome and there are some incredible women out there too that teach amazing classes and live the yoga life.
It is stated in many yoga writings to surround yourself with like minded people. How can I do that when they won't acknowledge me for no good reason or make little comments that make them look less than yogic?
I was talking with my parents yesterday and started to cry as I explained to them the way it is. It upsets me so much that these so called yoginis praise their efforts in the presense of their students but act deplorable within the teacher gathering. They are not that much different than the stereotypical Suburban housewife.
I know we are all human and working on traits that maybe we dislike ourselves but please, to be outright rude for no apparent reason.
Maybe I should give examples. I give the name of a certain teacher to a employer. This teacher gets hired. No Thank you email, no acknowledgement, even though we went through months of training together and from what I thought were very friendly. For this same teacher, I lead four of my students to her. I call her and leave messages, I speak with her students to tell her to call me. NADA!!!! That's real nice and professional. How can I respect her as a person when she can't act professional? And worse I mentioned her name to my students.
I give other teachers leads all the time and when I am face to face with them I don't get a hello, or even a smile of acknowledgement. What is that? Even if there were a reason not to like me, be civil and say hello in a professional manner. you don't snub people off? What does that say about you respecting humanity?
Anyone who knows me knows I am a giver, not a taker. I call it penny takers and money grabbers. Some people make you rich while others suck you dry!
I extent myself above and beyond because I find joy in it. I like to help people and make people feel good about themselves and life.
Maybe I'm just lost. Been going through a rough transition for awhile now. Been questioning everything inside and out.
I have been trying to surround myself with yogic people but I'm finding I don't like their ethics and the way they treat me versus catering to their client base. It almost seems like an act!
I'm a little lost!!! Obviosuly if I'm crying to my mommy and daddy I must be confused.
Who are my role models? I can't say I want any of the attributes these fellow yoginis exhibit.
I'm sure some read these posts in the shadows. And maybe some of you will be insulted by this post. if so I apologize. This is not my intention. I am frustrated.
I just don't understand how people can call themselves spiritual givers/leaders/teachers yet treat people disrespectfully and think it's justified.
Someone please enlighten me. As I write this my eyes are tearing. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
 
| Mish - I am sorry you are feeling so rough  Your kids are getting ready to leave the nest, yes? That can be a challenging time, even if you are happy they are going off to their own lives. Your life will change a lot in the next few years.
As for looks - people DO judge on looks. We have discussed this before. I feel it is a part of deep survival instinct and we do it on an instinctive level. Like "fight or flight" we may not need it as much as we once did but it is built-in IMHO.
People who describe themselves as givers are often looking (I am NOT speaking about you personally - this is general) for approval and frankly, love. Again, I think we have discussed this before. Try NOT going the extra mile (or 5) for other people. Give the name and number of the other teacher but don't make phone calls for people - let them go or not go on their own - and see what happens.
Sorry this is brief and blunt. I am having time issues right now, which I HATE, but wanted to answer because you sound so distressed. Feel better!!! |
|
| |
|
| Hey Mishy:
This is what I suggest.
1. Purchase a new and costly towel. And then wipe your tears and face and all that.
2. Go and have a cup of Starbucks Coffee or Cold Stone Icecream or something like that.
3. Then come home, do what you think is Yoga. and at other times engage in some enjoyable or semienjoyable activity.
4. And, forget about all these people and expecting from them, and evaluating them, etc. If you want to refer people to them, do it. If you do not want, do not do it. All that do in the light of you only and not in the light of them.
5. And, then keep smiling. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | I am trying to work on not opening myself so much. I'm working on balance issues, but I do have to tell you, I love extending myself to and for others. If it is about wanting more love than I am in denial.
I have a family that is very loving. I'm not lacking in that department of my life. I kind of think of it as "treat others the way you would like to be treated", even if my actions have no return, which yoga has definitely cultivated this for me. My seva is most rewarding, no matter what it is applied to.
I am distressed (and I'm not PMSing) I'm sad. I've been feeling this way for some time (a few years). I'm feeling it more now because I have given myself more free time to surround myself with like minded people, yoga studies, and practices, etc....
I'm not looking for bestfriends. I'm lucky in that department too having friends since kindergarten. I have a good support network all around except in regards to yoga. My family and friends are wonderful but have absolutely no interest in yoga practice or philosophy. I'm sure they tolerate me because they love me.
I want to be able to sit with others and discuss, laugh, and live yoga. I don't have that network. I'm trying to find my place. I certainly can't find it in the gyms. All instructors and teachers are worried about holding onto their enrollment. Everything and everyone is a threat to their job security.
I recently went to a studio to see if she was looking for a sub-in teacher. I had just left a studio because the conditions were not suitable any longer. The energy was fading. But I do have the following that will go with me to a new place.
BTW, when I first walked into the studio (we spoke on the phone prior) the first words out of her mouth were "Oh, it's you, I thought it might be you". I was taken back and asked what she meant by that but she didn't answer me.(She could possibly read this thread)
Anyway, I told her my availability but said I didn't want to teach a class on a certain day as that is my down time with my family. She came back with a remark that had such sarcastic inflection saying "Yeah, well wouldn't it be nice if we could make our own schedules". I thought it was uncalled for. There was no need to add any further comment much less a negative one. I am very thankful that I can pick and choose when and where I want to teach. I've worked very hard to get to where I am today. I could have snapped back but what would I have achieved by that? Lord knows I'm not looking for work in a yoga studio to get rich. It's never been about the money for me. I would teach for free. (If I get a call now I'll know she's reading the forums)
To me it's about how you treat people, not the well thought out, rehearsed, mechanical-self you present for your students. This turns me off.
Tourist, I appreciate your sentiments. I wish I could grab all of you and we could make a "Yoga Estates" where each one of us would either have personal studios in our homes or yutz. We would take turns for teaching classes, etc...... Nice fairy tale, huh? Don't spoil it for me. If it stops me from crying it works for me. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | Neel.......Kisses, Big Hug, metta!
You bring perspective. Thank you! |
|
| |
|
| mish,
What you are discribing is exactly why I don't like to hang out with Yogis and Yoginis. In my area, I find most of the community catty and honestly not very nice. Chin up though! They are just twits and not worth you mental stress.
Keep being a good person and great things will always follow you. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | I need to hear this. In my heart I know I'm doing what I have to, but when I try to do what I'm supposed to, I'm finding myself in conflict. My parents said to me "this is your voyage, let your heart guide you. You've been following your heart all along and it has taken you to great places. Continue on your path". They are right and so full of wisdom. I am lucky to have such loving and supportive parents.
Thank you for stating those words out loud YogaBrian. It means more than you could know. I'm feeling very alone and the few responses I get from you lovely yogis and yoginis is inspiring to know we are being true to ourselves and authentic.
The funny thing is it's like a double edge sword. If you pay no mind to these yogis, then they label you as snobbish, arrogant or self absorbed. But if you try to find a way in, they won't let you join the party. How can you win? Where is the balance?
Edited by mishoga 2007-02-28 12:08 PM
|
|
| |
|
| I love what Neal wrote, especially about doing what you want to do, and not expecting anything back. You sound like a very nice person who wears her heart on her sleeve. Maybe you've been snubbed so often in the past that now you try too hard for approval? I know it's coming from a kind heart and an honest place, but maybe it reads differently to people.
Oddly, when I think about being on the receiving end of you giving my name to a potential employer, it feels sort of intrusive. I know that sounds ungrateful, but I'd feel akward if I got a phone call from a studio asking me if I wanted work b/c they heard I'd be interested. Right now, I'd have to say no, then I'd be turning them down and possibly burning bridges for future work-maybe even making a reputation for myself as being too "busy" to work, or too big for my britches to work for them. All this assumes that the fellow yogi did not ask you to make the recomendation, which is what I gather from your post. Does that make sense? Maybe you are being too helpful and it's coming across and intrusive to others. I'm probably wrong, but that is what came to mind.
As for getting hired...take this for what it's worth. This happened twice: I came to talk to the owner and ask about work. I was turned down-one with a horrified facial expression that I was YF trainded. She said turning green at the gills, looking down her nose at me, "oh, we don't teach THAT kind of yoga here!" I walked away feeling really dejected and it derailed my path for awhile. Basically, the same thing at another studio, but with less venom. I ducked my tail between my legs and dissapeared for awhile. Now, I work happily at my gym, and pop around to studios for fun and extra practice.
Now, every single studio I practice in has offered me work. Once they see my yoga and see my energy and love for yoga, they don't even ask my training or experience. And, this even happened at both studios mentioned above. I have not accepted any offers due to time contraints with family, but plan to when my son starts kinder in the fall. The owner of one of my absolute favorite new studios approached me after class last weekend and said if I planned to work for her, I'd need to attend classes for 3 months before she'd consider me, and she was planning to hire soon, so.... I was thrilled! I never said a word about working for her, it was just me and my yoga, and no recommendations, and perfect timing.
All that to say, I highly recommend not making the call or the visit, but to take a few classes and get to know the other teachers and owner (who is usually a teacher as you are aware). Don't give them the opportunity to judge you by anything but your yoga in physical expression. I know you have WAY more experience than me, but maybe hearing from a fellow spurned yogini, you can try another avenue.
I feel out of my league offereing you advice. I also don't "know" you very well, so I may be way off base. I"m sorry people are being rude to you. I'd start taking away the opportunites for that to happen while remaining friendly, and let people come to you and your energy.
|
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | Kym - 2007-02-28 12:16 PM
I love what Neal wrote, especially about doing what you want to do, and not expecting anything back. You sound like a very nice person who wears her heart on her sleeve. Maybe you've been snubbed so often in the past that now you try too hard for approval? I know it's coming from a kind heart and an honest place, but maybe it reads differently to people.
Oddly, when I think about being on the receiving end of you giving my name to a potential employer, it feels sort of intrusive. I know that sounds ungrateful, but I'd feel akward if I got a phone call from a studio asking me if I wanted work b/c they heard I'd be interested. Right now, I'd have to say no, then I'd be turning them down and possibly burning bridges for future work-maybe even making a reputation for myself as being too "busy" to work, or too big for my britches to work for them. All this assumes that the fellow yogi did not ask you to make the recomendation, which is what I gather from your post. Does that make sense? Maybe you are being too helpful and it's coming across and intrusive to others. I'm probably wrong, but that is what came to mind.
You could be right on target with the approval thing. I've always had to go far and beyond to get women to accept my personality and not feel threatened by my looks and physicla strength. I have a very strong presense. I'm not being cocky. I like to laugh and enjoy life along with my husband. I'm not the typical woman. I like exciting, physically demanding, rough and tough play and get along very well with men (which my husband likes too). People enjoy our company (both my husband and I). We're both known as the fun couple. That can be threatening to some women. I do need to work on this. Although I wouldn't even know where to begin or if I want or can change.
As far as my students going to other teachers, well I am not teaching children's yoga anymore or am I qualified to teach Pre-natal yoga. This is why I am directing them to these teachers that specialize in this area.
You have some great ideas though. Maybe I will implement that advice into action. Thank you Kym. It makes a lot of sense to be in the class and let them see me in action. |
|
| |
|
| A couple of comments:
What Neel wrote would be suicide for me as I am a compulsive overeater. I'd have to substitute, say, a hike in the woods for the sugary stuff.
And of course, I'd need to take an honest look at myself as well.
But hey, no one is going to be popular with everyone, and I sure as heck respected the way Mish handled the case where someone showed up in a session that wasn't right for them (Mish talked about this in another thread).
Now about the topic: unfortunately, around here, the teachers gossip about each other all of time. 
Sometimes, they do support one another; my regular teacher asked me to write down some positive comments that I had verbalized about one of the other teachers (who sometimes gets complaints); around here we have a "suggestion and complaint" box and I thought that this other teacher was doing a good job with a certain class.
But, that case appears to be the exception; for example my teacher asked the one I had just mentioned to sub for her, and this other one got her feelings hurt. Those two teachers wouldn't even acknowledge each other as they walked past.
|
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | You see Ollie, that makes me so mad. These are the exact yogis that cast judgement so easily but will pronounce they follow the Yamas and niyamas. What about ethics taught through training.
OK, I read this just last week but I think it is appropriate to place in this thread:
Yoga tells us that we can disengage ourselves from suffering and also prevent suffering for others by recognizing that there is no "one" and no "thing" that is separate from us. We acheive this unitive state not through blind faith or mechanical observance of rituals, but through a
no-nonsense practice of the eight limbs. The eight limbs consists of moral codes for living ethically (Yamas and Niyamas) somatic practices (asana) that bring us into the truth of our embodiment, and breath awareness practices (pranayama) designed to resynchronize our individual rhythm with the primordial rhythm of the universe. Through consistent practice over a lifetime, we learn to recognize what is really important and let go of impermanent objects and transient thoughts and emotions (pratyahara), Through this recognition of what really matters we learn to concentrate our mind and life (dharana) on those things that are of lasting value. With practice we learn to maintain our equanimity in the most difficult circumstances (dhyana) and thereby liberate ourselves to reach our highest potential (samadhi).
Yoga is not simply information that the teacher carries and disseminates separate from herself/himself, to be left in the classroom or studio at the end of the workday. What is being taught is a way of living, a state of being, which by necessity is intrinsic to the character of the teacher. It is difficult to separate the professional and personal life of a yoga teacher. So if a teacher is displaying character traits that are unbecoming for a yoga teacher.....what does that say about the teacher? |
|
| |
|
| The funny thing is it's like a double edge sword. If you pay no mind to these yogis, then they label you as snobbish, arrogant or self absorbed. But if you try to find a way in, they won't let you join the party. How can you win? Where is the balance?
Mish,
People that label you are just give you the label that they themselves are. They want to call you snobbish? So what. It is just jealousy. Don't get caught up in it. Play their game and you will never win. Best way to join the party so to speak is to start your own. Build your own thing and do it better then anyone else. Work hard, be kind and f**k anyone who give you such child like put downs. You are a better person then that.
Honestly, I have found that many people in the yoga community in my area preach about the Yamas and Niyamas but rarely "walk the walk and talk the talk". Move on and build your own community. you will feel sooo much better. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | I bet they love you yogaBrian  I would probably get along with you grand  |
|
| |
|
| I would not work on changing your behavior so much as change how you let it effect you. Detach yourself from the results of your actions, kwim? Go ahead and smile, and have fun, and let your insecurities go about what your effect on other people is. If you are happy, the people around you are happy and will want to be around your happy self.
There is a gal around here who is in her 20's, tall, thin, blond, excellent yoga practice, and has a smile a mile wide. She's fun and happy, and a good person by all accounts. It would be really easy to get jealous of her, but since she's so dang happy all the time, she disarms people. She asked me about coming on board at my gym (I used to work for her) and I gave her a few pointers about getting hired. The tiniest part of me was scared she'd snag all my students, but I pushed it out of my mind. I realize that even if that did happen, it would be because she deserved it, not b/c of her looks or age or body. Show your smile, not your jugular, and you'll be fine. You will bring out the good in people. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 5098
Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Mishoga, When I read this all that kept coming to my mind was the word - Expectations. Sometimes we place expectations on what we think the world should be and what people should be like. Being a Yoga aspirant can be very lonely at times. I have to say this, if we were all grouped together...the people on this forum, I promise you, eventually something would arise and we would have to deal with it. When we are faced with these things in the outside world, we are bombarded with so many things. We also become very sensitive. This in itself is the practice. I feel these situations arise to help us grow. It is like a test. I know how you feel, believe me, I've been there. I have to deal with it too on a daily basis, we all do. Yoga people are no different than any other human being. It is the nature of things. Be careful not to judge others - even other yoga aspirants. Just learn how to keep yourself happy, and realize that you are NOT responsible for everyone's happiness, well being and most of all, for other people's actions. What you can do is, here we go...."be the change you want the world to be". That is all. Nothing more, nothing less. Learn to let it roll off your back. Be the bigger person. Smile and say Thank you and be grateful that you can see this in yourself and all your relations. Okay, now I'm off to my yoga class. Take care and go have some fun with your family, take a hot bath with some nice Essential Oil blends.....that is the most important thing in your life. Just know, I love you like a sister!! |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
| The boards are being a giant pain again....grrrr.... I don't have time to muck around with them!!!
Mish - what Cyndi said - good stuff! Also, you KNOW what this really means don't you? You need to open your OWN studio and surround yourself with like-minded teachers. You have the time, the expertise and (I think) the $, so you should get going on it. As Cyndi said - things will still come up. I have an amazing yoga family locally but we do still have tiffs and issues. We're only human. But if you had your own place you could hire who you like or not hire anyone, for that matter. Do it, do it, do it. And don't worry about the mean girls. Like your mom probably told you in high school - they're just jealous  |
|
| |
|
| This must be a really good topic because this is one of the times yogabrian has chimed in more than once (I really appreciate and enjoy reading what yogabrian has to say and I wish he would post more often!! Alas...the busy life of a yoga studio owner)
This is the biggest reason I don't participate in yoga classes anymore. In fact, doing yoga in SF totally turned me off to yoga!!!!!!!! The 30-something yogis and yoginis are unbelievably nasty & rude. (which is why I just love to annoy yogis and especially yoginis!!   )
(for the record, maggie v., owner of It's Yoga in LV totally, 100%, walks the walk and talks the talk. She's the best!)
What really bummed me out were some of the nasty, rude people at the Tibetan Buddhist center in SF. Not the Tibetans or Asians, of course! But the self-centered, phoney white people (sorry to get racial here) that took their bad karma out on the rest of us (especially if you're a half way decent looking female - look out!)
Cyndi is right. We need to lower our expectations.
Sorry you.re experiencing this, Mishyoga. It kind of feels like betrayal. If we took a yoga class together, I would place my mat next to yours and say hi! fifi |
|
| |
|
| I enjoyed all the words of wisdom so far and to me, they make great sense from a pure logic and yogic aspect. However, for Mish, while the thoughts are sound and given to ease her pain, I don't think the answer is to be found here. I surely don't know for sure Mish but I don't think you're hurt so much by the atitude but rather deep down, you're pi$$ed--you are bloody ****ed mad and that I feel is what you have to acknowledge and not feel guilty about in order to take the good advice above and move on.
You're out being the best person you can giving of yourself what you can & when you can and it's not appreciated--you don't want eternal adoration for referring a teacher but a simple, "Hey, Mish--thanks!" would be the least the freaking dimwits can do.
Now I am going to try my hardest not to offend, but if you let people treat you like a doormat, they certainly will--it's just the path of least resistance. Plus, in some perverted way, you help some people and they feel beholding and are uncomfortable with that.
This may not be your issue at all kiddo but from what I know of you, and from what you've written, I think a little ranting and raving is called for here--let those ungrateful ba$tards feel bad for a change and let Mish feel good--put a little fear of the MishMeister into 'em and by god they'd best show some basic human politeness or endure thy wrath...matter of fact, gimme their freaking names...I'M pi$$ed now...let me at 'em! |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | Bruce, I guess you're right and maybe I am a little annoyed due to the lack of professional politeness. I don't want them to bow at my feet like I gave them a pot of gold. Just a thank you would be fine. Funny thing is, the girl who was hired, (let's call her Steph)I didn't mean to give her number. I read the number above the one I meant to give (let's call intented girl Lisa). I meant to give Lisa's number, which I spoke with Lisa prioir to see if she wanted to travel and she said she was interested. So I gave the Number of Steph by accident thinking I gave the number of Lisa. Next thing I know, Steph is hired. Lisa called me asking if I had given her number. I was so embarrassed I made that mistake but I couldn't tell Lisa that because Her and Steph didn't quite hit it off through training and had some words. Funny how things happen, isn't it.
Tourist, several people told me I need to open my own place as you have stated and I do believe that is in my future. But I don't want to open a place out of ego. And honestly I fear that if I do open a studio then a certain aspect of my yoga will be taken over by being a business owner. Both my husband and I are aware of how hard it is to run a business. It's not all fun and games. I will tell you, if I do open a studio, my ego will not prevent me from hiring a teacher that has a following. I would ask her to conduct a class (without pay) on a certain day. notify her students, and I would sit in to experience her style, charisma, education, etc...... If I thought she was good, regardless of what I personally feel for her, I would bring her on board. A good teacher reflects positively for a studio on the whole.
Fifi, it's funny you should mention the SF crowd. In this month's publication of Shambala Sun, the have a featured article titled "Generation Y(oga)". Here is part of the article:
Go to Snarf's, a beach bum's sandwich paradise, any day of the week and you'll see a hip, fit crowd hangin on the sidewalk outside Richard Freeman's lengendary Yoga Workshop in Boulder Colorado. When one class ends, or just before another begins, a momentary socail scene arises that any of the advertisers in this magazine would die to spend five minutes with. We come for yoga, sure, but we stay (outside on the sidewalk) for the conversation, the phone numbers, the friday night plans.
I'm a buddhist. I call myself a buddhist. And I practice yoga. I practice it not all the time when I'm really busy, once or twice a week when I'm really busy, and other weeks maybe three or four times. But I don't call myself a yogi. A yogi, I think, is an emaciated Indian with a painted face and long hair in full lotus doing some sort of rude trick with himself. But I do consider myself, and proudly, part of the yoga culture. So do my brothers and sisters my age (32) and younger. We like to go out, we like to work hard, we like to wear organice clothes, even hemp, and sometimes shop at our local Co-op or Whole Foods. We like to drink organic wine at art galleries and check out other men and women pretending to check out art.
We are practicing yoga to stay limber, to meet girls, or to get away from guys who are just trying to meet girls. We're young, we care about the future of the world, we eat organic, live sustainably, and have a host of rationalizations about why we drive an SUV along the way.
So what do you think about that? The article has more but didn't want to typw out the whole article. BTW, I really like Shambala Sun.
|
|
| |
|
| mish:
like cyndi, i saw expectations as well as resentment. it's an interesting mirror for me, as i am going through some big stuff along these lines as well.
one of the things that stuck out for me was this idea that 'this is what always happens' or 'this is what is.' this means that *you* are in a pattern of reactions and behavoirs, and thus it is what you see. in the film/book What the Bleep (have you seen it yet?) they talk about this principle of quantum physics and how it relates to spirituality and creating our realities.
when we are not looking for something specificly, the possibilities are endless--many paths are open to us. but when we focus in on one (when we make a choice, conscious or unconscious), then that becomes our reality.
how we make choices is interesting. one of the ways is what we expect to happen based on what happened in the past. i can trace some of my social expectations (expecting people to treat me in certain ways, particularly in the way that you describe as well) all the way back to when i was 7 or 8 years old when the pattern 'started.' my cells expect that pattern, so i color everything in that pattern.
shall i give an example? if so, ask me for it. if not, maybe you get the idea.
this is also why that concept of "beginners mind" is so valuable. instead of holding to expectations, we simply let go of them and approach each situation as if it is the first time. it's amazing the clarity that comes when this happens. truly, it's profound. we've seen such things in many aspects of our lives, when we've come to something 'fresh' without expectation. do you know what i mean?
ok, i guess that's all i have to say about that. |
|
| |
|
| Wow,
I don't know about this being gender or profession or yoga community based, but I do know that this is how people are.
If you give, but expect something in return you will feel pain no matter what the outcome because even pleasure subsides and then you will feel the absence of pleasure.
If you love people but expect love in return, well, you will be disappointed.
If you raise your children to be good, they will make mistakes and prove to you that you [insert me, from my experiences] aren't as good a parent as you thought you were.
We've all been there, Mish.
We all are on the journey, "give and love", because it's better than the alternatives of "take and hate" and the infinite soul will always be replenished, never depleted and continually infinite.
|
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
Location: A Blue State | Hi Mish, I'm really sorry for the events you describe, and I've had similar things from time to time. For me, what works is not to let my own sense of worth get tied up in other folks' opinions about me. It's not always easy, but I find that people can hurt me a lot if I let them get into my head too much. ..bg |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 1738
Location: right where I'm supposed to be | You know Jen, when I was in my late 20's I had a "who gives a F@#$" attitude with women who gave me an attitude for no reason. but now that I am in my forties (and trying to be the person that feels right within my heart) I go into every situation with people open and willing. But how many times do I overlook blatant, unjustified rudeness? It's so easy for me to fall back on my old ways, and that's a place I don't want to go. Many times I screaming in my head when I run into people like this. I don't even want that internal dialogue going on.
This is something I've struggled with 3/4 of my life. In the past I wasn't forgiving to people who obviously had issues with not being secure with who they are and trying to be what they thought they should be. I just don't get it. As much as I try, I can't understand it.
People do judge by outer appearance. I get that. I've had no choice to get that because I've never conformed to social norms.
Someone who doesn't know me would look at me and form an opinion because of my outer appearance. I'm sure I have this carefree, free spirited look. Believe me, when my son's teachers meet me they are taken back. I think they don't know what to think. But on the other hand, they know my children and what I expect from them.
I am very conservative regarding marriage, parenting, politics, but yet my apprearance would contradict that.
Sometimes I want to scream "PEOPLE, GET OVER YOURSELVES AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE MISSING"
I feel that so many people get wrapped up in superficial crap that it blinds them to all the magnificent life that surrounds them.
People are like onions. Many, many layers. How can you label someone as unworthy when you don't know them? It seems so narrow minded to me.
As my mentor would say "The most beautiful souls will come to you in the most unlikely vessels, or bodies".
I don't want to miss the opportunity to meet someone who is truly beautiful inside and out because I felt a certain way on first inspection/impression.
I have to get over this feeling that I need to go out of my way to prove I'm worthy. That's what I need to work on. But what is the alternative? A "I will treat you the way you have treated me"?
I don't want to treat anyone like dirt. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
| mish - we had a big discussion at a workshop recently about why people don't allow themselves to be as great as they really are. It is a bit of inverted ego to keep telling ourselves we aren't capable, aren't "ready" and generally aren't "good enough" to do something. As someone whose kids are just a bit older than yours (and I'll reiterate that you mustn't underestimate the significance of this time in your life. It is the ideal time for big changes, trust me) you really are ready for a serious challenge. You need a focus, whether it is opening a studio or some other project, you need to find a single thing you can be dedicated to.
As for appearance, I hate to bring up popular TV, but do you ever watch What Not to Wear? The thing that impresses me about some of these people is that they think they are projecting an image of who they are, but often are missing the mark a lot. Especially many of those who wear outrageous clothes to look "fun and bohemian" often say later that they feel relieved to be reflecting who they really are rather than using their clothes as a way to hide. In a way, it is very unfair to the world to project one image with our appearance and be something else inside. It is a bit like one of my favourite radio hosts talking about chocolates. He talks about having that chocolate in your hand and expecting an orange cream or a caramel and biting into - ugh! - nougat! It is similar to the thing you find with yoginis who dress the part but turn out to be catty b*tches. We don't like to be conned and if our external message is significantly different from our real selves, people get mad. All that being said, I love to have fun with clothes. Acting in high school and university was a blast because I could switch clothes and switch personalities. Now I have my soccer mom clothes for work, my yoga clothes for yoga, my urban chic clothes for holidays and my (awesome) ballroom clothes for dancing - did I mention the SHOES???
Oh - PS - how often do you over look blatant rudeness? Every time. But once a person has been rude to you, you stop putting ANY energy into them. No turn the cheek, no second chance, no anger, just cross them off your list and move on. |
|
| |
|
Expert Yogi
Posts: 2479
Location: A Blue State | Hi Glenda, I agree with you in general terms about crossing-off the blatantly rude, but sometimes the situation can make that hard to effect. For example, the rudeball in question might be your teacher or might be someone who is always present at your class. The only way to cross that person off might be to drop the class entirely, and that may be a result that you'd rather avoid. So, releasing or dismissing the negative feelings the rudeness generates can be a less disruptive solution than breaking the relationship. Again, for me, I find I can cope with this by thinking "Oh, there's that negative behavior that poor person has, they must be insecure/unhappy/jealous/etc, I feel sorry him/her." It doesn't always work, as I am human, but it certainly helps most of the time. And, many of the instances of blatant rudeness that I run into come from people who have positive behavior at other times -- their rudeness is situational or intermittent. .. bg |
|
| |
Being brutally honest
